i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
