It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
