Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
