about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
