Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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