the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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