Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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