At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
