While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
