I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
