I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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