and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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