this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
