I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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