I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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