ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
