Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
