dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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