Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
