Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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