I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
