I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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