Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
