I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
