Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize