I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
