just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
