her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She told me I should be a condom model.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
