Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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