You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize