Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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