so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
