As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize