the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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