His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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