Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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