I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
