i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
