Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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