That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
