I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
