make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
