I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
