who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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