is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize