and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
