Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
