i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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