just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just took my morning after pill in the library
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
