Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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