You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
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