eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
