My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
