Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
