I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
