he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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