I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize