i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize