I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
