Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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