need another drink. this is the easiest way
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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