Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
