dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
