I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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