I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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