I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Drake has all the answers
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
