I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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