Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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