Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
from now on my penis is your penis
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
