Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
