Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
