And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
