Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
