and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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