He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
In America we eat man semen.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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