And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
