Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize