We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize