I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
