New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i dont even know how to be here
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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