he puts the penis in happiness.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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