i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
