awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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