I'm laying in your front yard are you home
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
