Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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