im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
