Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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