it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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