I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
