Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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