omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
