PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
