Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
