You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize