no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
should my penis look like a turkey
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
