So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
