Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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