I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
