I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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