I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
