3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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