It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
