i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
no, he came in my armpit
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
