She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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