Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
