God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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