he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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