I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My pussy is not your playground.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
